Terima Kasih tuhan!

Assalamualaikum after 3 years..

owh wow..sekelip mata it has been 3 years after my previous rambling. may be ada yang rasa lama nak melalui hari2 yg berlalu..n may be ada yang rasa sekejap.

hi nobody!

how is everyone?.. sempat blog hopping dkt blog yg ada recent post and terasa mcm ya allah iraa.. byk syok sendiri sampai tak sedar ada yang lamaaa tak keep in touch. to u, who know who you are, ira mintak maaf ya. but percaya lah.. if u need me.. i will always be right here. ok!!

well, ilhan has upgraded to an abg of two. 😆

alhamdulillah.. walaupun mcm cepat sgt n dia ada la jugak jeles sikit2 but i hope we managed it well. my previous post was the experienced of my miscarriage kan. selepas setahun, we try again and our healthy izfar hakeem was born at 1 dec 2018. i choose the date to conceived and to delivered. haha!

pengalaman mengeluarkan hakeem adalah sesuatu yg mengerikan and menyeramkan utk dikenang balik. my post partum has developed grade 5 hemorrhoids and had to went thru a hemorrhoidectomy on 3rd day after deliver. subhanallah and alhamdulillah, 20 hari post surgery i'm back to myself. sepanjang sakit dari hari 1st sampai ke 20 tu, macam2 rasa.. a good thing about my perangai yg suka bercerita.. i get a lot of support from friends and even ada yg share their same experience. somehow, those sharing buat rasa lega sgt. sbb tau x bila kita sakit kita akan tertanya2.. sampai bila sakit ni?.. lama lg ke?.. akan makin teruk x?.. akan jadi manusia normal balik x?.. so ni semua benda yg kita bljr dari pengalaman n pengalaman org lain. seems my byk mulut brings benefit jugak. hehehe

anyway, hakeem pun dah nak masuk 1 tahun 9 bulan this coming september. and guess what? i had another baby and its a girl!!..

subhanallah, nikmat apa lg yg ingin didustakan ira. of course being a mom you wish for a baby girl. jeles tgk org ada anak perempuan.. tp bukan la maksudnya x syg dkt anak2 lelaki ni. but having a baby girl is not in our plan yet. sesungguhnya kita merancang dan allah yg menentukan.

masa tau pregnant while hakeem just about 9months masa tu, mmg rasa seram jugak. tp xde la emosi sgt. cuma dlm kepala dah start fikir la.. apa nak buat, apa patut buat.

honestly, masa pregnant hakeem byk sgt masalah emosi, walaupun ira nampak mcm org yg happy go lucky.. tp ira jugak adalah seorg attention seeker lagi2 kepada suami. jadinya perjalanan membawa hakeem awal2 tu tidak lah indah sgt.. both of us struggle at the part of not being so sensitive or be sensitive. hehe.. so when we know im again pregnant. i just ask my husband if he will support me. i understand a LOT and learnt a LOT on my previous pregnancy. just to confirm that he will try again another round with me and he said..yes, he will try. alhamdulillah.

aaanndd.. the journey of having ilana was the happiest, hakeem lasak but cheeky, ilhan manja but independent and x memberontak. im truly a happy pregnant woman. 

delivering ilana also the easiest, get the experienced deliver during MCO when the husband was not allowed to be on your side, when you have to undergo the covid test, when you went to somewhat empty hospital and lot of wad yg tutup, when our normal life is now changed to new normal. masyaallah.. looking back.. byknya cerita yg boleh kongsi pd anak2 cucu akan dtg kan..

now, ilana will be in her 4th month in 4 days. she's quite chubby and belum tunjuk lagi tanda2 rajin nak meniarap. baru sekali 2 je dia tertiarap kot. muatan lebih..peha besar.. haha

subhanallah.. syukur alhamdulillah dgn semua rezeki yg mencurah2 ni.. andai kata umur mommy tak panjang.. ketahuilah lah.. saat ini, saat mommy typing utk post ni.. mommy bersyukur sgt dgn semua yg kita ada.. walaupun da almost 2 bulan mommy asik bukak page beli handbag idaman and beli emas idaman tapi tak beli2 and end up bukak shopee add to cart susu dan pampers anak2.. tp mommy bersyukur.. i am so blessed despite of being such a sinful khalifah. semoga allah x uji mommy dgn dugaan yg tak mampu mommy tanggung. terima kasih allah!!

to my man,

thank you thank you thank you, i cant thank you enough for having you, you have done a lot for me, in return insyaallah i will take care of you too. semoga allah jaga and lindungi you, hati you, amin.

to my kids, 

i love you with all my hearts. be someone with a great heart ok!!

Miscarriage

After a looooong hiatus.. tajuk pun xtau nak letak apa.. kali ni sbb byk masa.. pantang without baby kan.. baby yg dah bsr ni.. dah boleh harap.. dah byk boleh buat sendiri.. so mommy relax yilex sangaaatt..

Tergerak hati nak write up here setelah sekian lama.. saje because something just happened in my life.. yg mmg x jangka akan melaluinya.. and doa supaya xperlu lalui lagi dan lagi..

I just had miscarriage at 9weeks of pregnancy.. from the beginning lagi my health condition wasnt that good.. i am over weight.. i had asthma.. i had bad cough.. even we thought we are mentally ready for another baby, we are actually not.
Sebenarnya surprise jugak bila pregnant because everything was too fast.. tp since we already thought about it so we kinda excited.. of course..

So.. i had spotting like 60% of all the 9weeks. Until 6th may.. its start bleeding.. xde buat apa pun whole day sbb perut rasa x sedap.. goreng ikan je la sbb teringin nk mkn pelaling goreng garing2.. bdn pun rasa penat sgt sbb weekend lps ilhan demam on and off temperature for 3days.. mommy pun demam jugak.. so weekend ni mmg nak rehat sgt2.. laundry and rumah semua mr.k yg uruskan..
Then, dlm pukul 5 mcm tu terus siap2 pg klinik utk check.. dkt klinik doc direct je bgtau its a possibility of miscarriage bila scan size kantung xde beza since my 1st scan.. and i had blood in my urine.. we get a refferal letter utk terus pergi hospital.. discuss punya discuss we opted for DEMC hosp.. sbb dah buat survey haritu DEMC ramai gynae perempuan and muslim compared tu SUNMED semua nonmuslim gynae.. on the way to hospital call insurance to double confirm my coverage.. harus la check.. mana mampu kalau kena byr sendiri..haha

Sampai hospital terus masuk emergency.. tp still la kena ambik no..register.. sbb boleh berjalan sendiri lagi kan.. tgu dlm 15min mcm tu doc dah panggil.. bersyukur sgt sbb dr awal proses sampai lah habis all handled by female doc which what i have been prayed so much for.. dkt emergency bukan boleh pilih2 doc.. tp rezeki sgt dpt doc perempuan.. go thru the same process again.. ultrasound.urine test.blood test and pelvic exam.. then doctor farah also confirm no baby found in my tummy. She's not a permanent doctor there so she called for specialist which dr azhana and set my appoinment for further check up on 9th may.

I did ask since its another 3days more for my further checkup with specialist if there is any chance that the baby will show up.. haha
- ikut pengalaman sy puan. Ni mmg dah xde.. tp puan jumpa dr azhana.. let she confirm you and decide the next action.
I dont feel anything except my tonsils yg sangat2 annoying.. yg buat badan seram sejuk.. and perut yg x berapa nak selesa.. rasa keras je.. for 2 days i keep questioned my husband if this is real..huhu
Monday 8th may, masih pergi ofis to handover anything.. nasib baik nothing much on hand.. sempat cancelled training yg patutnya pg next week. Sempat jumpa bos to update my condition.. masa tu bdn rasa sakit sgt because of tonsils.. ambik halfday.. lps tu singgah tesco beli ayam.. teringin nak mkn sup ayam yg byk carrots and celeries.. lps tu teringat ilhan dah lama x mkn proper.. so msk ayam msk merah utk ilhan.. strong x mommy ilhan? Haha

9th may.. something that i never imagined will happened in my life. Awal pagi tu tonsil is a bit better.. tp perut x berapa selesa.. i cant enjoyed my dates with mr.k sebab kena puasa.. kitorg mana boleh dpt peluang berdua kejap.. selalu nak enjoy breakfast yg aman sikit.. me la.. tp hari tu gloomy je rasa.. after dropped ilhan at school we direct to DEMC which already late.. tp mls nak fikir.. nasib baik dpt register dulu dkt OnG lps tu buat GL processing.. not sure how private hospital process flow works.. tp this GL is a bit confusing.. because it has different charge for different treatment and have to considered under different package.. tp nak buat mcm mana kan.. luckily diorg ni main call2 je.. cuma kita je la yg mcm tertunggu berdebar kira duit dlm bank cukup ke x nak cover in case GL x lepas..haha

Appoinment with dr azhana should be on 9am.. but im the 4th.. sampaikan pukul 10 suddenly perut sakit gila2.. nurse tanya ada rasa nak pitam ke.. i should just say yes.. 😂😂
Tonsils.. perut.. sbb dah x ingat rasa contraction mcm mana.. so i thought its just a normal stomach ache.. after cried few minutes on mr.k i told him i cant handle it anymore.. i went to toilet.. and the drama begin.
Something just pop out.. xtau what it was.. gabra kejap dlm toilet.. i know its something mybe the baby.. but its already in the toilet bowl.. ok.what you gonna read after this maybe gross. So can stop reading now.
So lucky the toilet is very clean.. dgn mcm2 rasa.. i dont want my baby been flush out in toilet bowl.. x kan la kottt..sampai hati koottt.. nangis xtau nak buat apa.. bowl just full with blood.. i cant see anything..x berani nak flush.. after a while.. bowl mcm dah jernih sikit i saw something and with my bare hand i just grab it..put on tissue and i gabra again..haha..
Mcm mana nak bwk keluar.. patut ke bwk keluar.. apa benda tu.. doesnt look like baby.. nak buat apa nak buat apa.. bukak pintu toilet sikit.. mintak org pgglkan cleaner utk pgglkan mr.k.. ramai mommy to be kat toilet tu.. diorg tanya kenapa.. i just said.. gugur kot.. then semua mengucap and gabra.. haha.. rupanya mr.k is standing outside.. my number is up so he is waiting for me. When the cleaner said khairul he straight away rush to the toilet.. mommytobe yg ada kat situ semua bg laluan to him.. nurse pun sampai and papah me to dr's room.. xjauh.. n dah rasa x sakit sgt pun.. malu kejap sbb semua org tgk..huu.. mmg x boleh lupa incident ni sampai bila2.. nurse mintak cleaner x usik whats in the toilet.. lega sgt sbb i really want to know what is that.. is it my baby? *cryyy*

Masuk bilik dr.. another pelvic exam.. and dr scheduled me for d&c.. i have no idea what is d&c.. then bila dr ckp i will be on bius.. i just feel ok. As relax as shaherra... hehe.. because of asthma i had to take nebulizer to ensure my lung is clear.. around 1pm.. tolak masuk ot.. one dr ckp yg dia akan bius.. and nurses buat prep sambil borak2 sape on leave on that day.. and they put me on gas..

This is another experience yg mmg xkan lupa jugak and rasa masyaallah.. betapa baiknya allah.. sikit sakit pun x rasa throughout the process.. i had my dream.. mcm tgh sliding down thru timetunnel.. colorful.. fast.. cantik.. mcm moana terjun dlm lubang masa nak ambik hook maoli tu..ni sbb asik tgk moana sepjg weekend dgn ilhan kot.. tiba2.. rasa mcm ada org tarik tiub dr tekak.. and ada org kejut ckp dah siap.. i dont see dr azhana at all.. my legs all straight and clean. My bed sheet is clean.. im blurred.. feel good..tekak dah x sakit sgt..perut of course.. rasa ringan sangat2.. and rasa selesa sgt utk sambung tido.. xpernah rasa se selesa tu.. bahagia.. mr.k said it was because of the gas.. sbb tu la drug addict tu bahagia je diorg rasa eventho phisically we saw diorg terumbang ambing..huhu

Then.. i was put on rest before meet up dr azhana again on 5pm.. dah boleh mkn yeay!!. Lapar sgt.. spinning sikit2.. tp boleh je main wassap.. update some people yg concern much on me.. tq sooo much for all the doas.. alhamdulillah everything went smoothly.. i had a loss.. but i had a lot other things to be grateful on too..
Alhamdulillah..alhamdulillah.. rasa sihat.. compared past 9weeks.. and i knew my body just not ready..

Innalillahiwainnailaihirajiuun syg.. im sorry i cant hold you tightly.. im sorry i cant give you a chance to live.. i believe u will be better in syurga.. semoga yg baik2 selalu utk kita semua..

Rindu pregnancy.. insyaallah ada rezeki lain..

Bye 2015. Welcome 2016

Assalamualaikum..

Wow. Almost 1 year. Memandagkan harini dpt kalendar ofis n dekat kalendar ada ni.

Terus la teringat blog yg penuh kenangan.
Sbb dekat sini je i manage to kept all my resolutions..hehe

So, since 2015 almost at the end. Ni target for 2015.
1. Feb mesti settled all outstanding hutang. (Ada few jd outstanding sbb urusan beli rumah.. sobbss)
2. More savings!
3. By end of year. Free from loan! (At least one of our loans) haha..
4. My dream kitchen
5. Ilhan's school.
6. Mr.k sambung study.

1.almost there like 50% 😭

2.belum lagi

4.belum lg

5.dah call. Semoga ada rezeki ilhan on 2016. Sbb taska tu prioritized pd budak 4 years

6.not happening..hehe.. mr.k was promoted to supervisor on last nov. So now we not sure whether continuing study is good or not. But i still feel he shud just go for it n lets the future decide. Kan?

Ok. Done 2015.

Semuanya xberjalan seperti yg dirancang tp allah bagi kami sekeluarga nikmat lain yg x disangka2.. alhamdulillah..

I am on my new job now. Well known stable company. Still doing my best on my favourite task. Semoga ini akan menjadi permulaan yg lebih indah utk 2016.

Target for 2016.

Back to unfinished business from 2015. I will focus more this year. And just this. Insyaallah..

Cita-cita. angan-angan. takdir

masa sekolah dulu. mmg berangan nak kerja yg best2.. tp malas belajar. main2.. akhirnye dapat course campak dlm UiTM.

cuba jugak mak usaha utk tukarkan course.. tp kenapa tah ttbe masa tu matang..wakaka..

ckp dgn mak..mungkin tuhan tau anak mak ni xmampu nk masuk bidang medic.. xpe la.. teruskan jer..

jadi sejak tu..tukar perception, kebetulan peluang kerja bidang IT semakin melambak2.. as perempuan, mesti la berangan nak kawin and ada anak2 kan.. rasa mcm bidang programming is soo not me.

x excel pun dlm study..mcm mana nk survive dlm kerja is beyond my expectation.

sedih bila extend study, tapi alhamdulillah..xpernah menyesal pasal tu.. our batch diperkenalkan dgn software testing..since that mmg semangat nak kerja dlm bidang testing.. ya allah.. sungguh allah mudahkan semuanya..

lepas tu. berangan nak kawin umur 27. nak beli kereta. nak beli rumah. nak bwk mak n abah jalan2. xnak jadi org biasa. nak jadi org yg dpt travel oversea every year. xnak jadi housewife yg stuck kat kampung jaga anak.. *marah ni kalau ada org yg duduk kg baca* everyone have their own dreams. please allow me rambling my nonsense here.

duniawi semua. materialistik. mungkin sebab tu allah xmudahkan jalan kearah itu..hehe

tup2 kawen umur 25. 26 ada anak pulak. hilang angan2 nak sambung study la.. nak berjalan la.. tp rezeki yang allah bagi.. anak yg sihat, comel. handsome. *kali ni pun sila benarkan sy puji anak sendiri ea*

suami yg complement me just enough.

27. bakal masuk ke rumah sendiri. walaupun hutang dgn bank..haha

ada masa. ada jugak berangan nak balik kg. expand kedai mak. berniaga. hidup dekat tempat yg x stress. xde jammed.xde KPI.

someone pernah ckp. KL ni tempat buang duit. bukan cari duit..haha

kerja. Scope mmg tempat best utk settle down.. *yeke?* x expect bole join balik dgn cepat.bila tau kwn yg masuk company yg pernah pggl interview dulu dpt pergi jln2. best gila! jeles pulak.. 

yela..pggl interview..xsemestinya dpt.. tp ehh..nk berangan jugak.desperate sgt nk travel ni..haha

umur dah 27 ni. sebelum 30 kena sambung study. sebelum 35 kena anak lebih dari sorg. sebelum 40 kena ada landed house. gitteeww.. sempat x sempat ni? ntah2 kubur panggil dulu. T_T

Wishlist 2015

Last year. 27 nov. I have posted about my wishlist.
Lets see if everything comes true.

1. Rumah = insyaallah will move in 4dec. Just a small little house for our small family. Alhamdulillah.
Mulanya hanya angan2.. dgn rasa yg bercampur baur..xtau dpt teruskan ke tak.. tak tau menetapi kriteria rumah impian ke tak.. tp ttp teruskan.. sbb mmg sedar diri hanya itu lah yg termampu.. syukur allah mudahkan semuanya.. mmg bergolok bergadai dan masih mengharapkan rezeki yg lebih.. insyaallah.. semoga ini lah yg terbaik..

2. Camera & new phone = closed case.

3. Join mak umrah = dugaan yg xdijangka.. xde rezeki lagi mak nk pg umrah tahun ni.. insyaallah.. semoga ada rezeki akan dtg.. 😭

4. Simpan duit holiday = xde bayang. Haha

Ok. What has past is past. Next year.. apa plan?

1. Feb mesti settled all outstanding hutang. (Ada few jd outstanding sbb urusan beli rumah.. sobbss)
2. More savings!
3. By end of year. Free from loan! (At least one of our loans) haha..
4. My dream kitchen
5. Ilhan's school.
6. Mr.k sambung study.

I was never imagine azam tahun lepas ada yg terlaksana. Masa tulis haritu mmg angan2 belaka.. tp sungguh allah mudahkan.. alhamdulillah.. jadi kali ni nak tulis lg la..
Mana tau ada yg aminkan.. mudah juga urusan tahun depan.. 😊😊😊😊

Ilhan with opah

Ilhan is now with opah. We had left him since last month. After 3 weeks go back to my mom's house. Its totally heart broken when we look into his eyes and seems he sees us like strangers.

Patut la org yg tggl anak dia kat kg.. mmg kurang bonding dgn parents. Mungkin bukan sbb dia xsyg.. tp dia xbiasa.

Dah rasa mcm tu once, then kenapa nk tggl lg? Kan?
There are few matters that we have to deal. Nak xnak we have no choice to leave him again. This is the longest i havent see him. More than 3 weeks.
I feel like squeeeeezzingg..shrinking..dying..missing like hell..

Tgn rasa mcm terasa2 nak tangkap dia.. mulut terasa2 mcm nk gomol dia.. hidung terasa2 mcm nak cium dia..

Its painful.. sggttt... 😭😭😭😭😭

Back to scope

Alhamdulillah..
Officially back to Scope on 3rd Nov 2014. Birthday Mr.k.. senang ingat..hehe

After drama here and there. 5 months of waiting. Im here listening to hilaian tawa of previous manager yg ku rindui setahun yg lalu..kaaahh

She moved to other building actually but once in a while or once a week dia akan dtg pj. Just nice the day i reported to scope, bumped into her on the train.. punya la nak sorok2 xnak jumpa kat ofis. Dlm train pun jadik.. tu la kalau dah jodoh kann..kaaahhh

Well, my experience on job transition is only tiny little bit. 1st job as account executive at one network company attached to telekom. Sangat2 fresh masa tu.. gaji pun xsampai 2k. Not my dream job after all but just having some experience. I learn how to meet peoples.. and its only lasted for 2 months..

Lepas tu training with gov program and attached to Scope. It was easy. Tak ada culture shock sbb we are doing what we have learned. Expectation for the first 3 months pun not that high sbb u are only intern. Geng nak mengadu ramaaiii.. kwn2 dr uitm pun ramaiii.. alhamdulillah.. allah eased everything.. but its not always that easy rite..

Decided to move on after 3 years. Considered this is my first resignation for real. The feelings, expectations, everything is totally different.

Masuk new company without knowing anyone in there. I thought i can do something on my attitude.. kurang jadi pemalu.. become more confident.. however... *sigh*
Ilhan is only 6 months that time.. i have to adapt with alot of things. It was hard but i have only passed after the 9 months. I have met a lot of friends which so adorable, very very nice and helpful in everything..

Somehow my confident level is back to a correct state. Not too high not too low..i felt so good.. i start doubting about moving on.. *padahal masa tu da send resume da*
I start felt syg to everything. But decision have to be made.. pros and cons is everywhere..
Oppurtunities is always there for u to grab. Its your own choice.

Back to the place that i have been for 3 years. Im totally feel like home!
Mmg buat mcm rumah sendiri walaupun xde passcard.. cari hr la. Request mcm2 dkt it centre. Luckily there is still one same person and still recognize me..hehe
In term of tasks.. sangat byk berubah. Thats make me scared. Im in a state of knowing nothing but have to do everything. But insyaallah.. i just feel good as the trust is there. I have to perform. For sure..

And..not to forget.. ilhan. He is on development state now.. can i? Can i commit to him? Can i be a good mother? I have to!

Alhamdulillah.. this is all His love and bless. Syukur alhamdulillah..

Endometriosis

A bit explanation. the rest you can google more.

Endometriosis (en-doe-me-tree-O-sis) is an often painful disorder in which tissue that normally lines the inside of your uterus — the endometrium — grows outside your uterus (endometrial implant). 

In endometriosis, displaced endometrial tissue continues to act as it normally would — it thickens, breaks down and bleeds with each menstrual cycle. Because this displaced tissue has no way to exit your body, it becomes trapped. When endometriosis involves the ovaries, cysts called endometriomas may form. Surrounding tissue can become irritated, eventually developing scar tissue and adhesions — abnormal tissue that binds organs together.

Common signs and symptoms of endometriosis may include:

• Painful periods (dysmenorrhea).
• Pain with intercourse.
• Pain with bowel movements or urination.
• Excessive bleeding.
• Infertility.
• Other symptoms. You may also experience fatigue, diarrhea, constipation, bloating or nausea, especially during menstrual periods.

Signs and symptoms of endometriosis end temporarily with pregnancy and end permanently with menopause.

So, what is this all about??

I have been suspected with endometriosis. suspected jee.. nothing much insyaallah.. even during the consultation, the way doc explained its not a serious illness however its just LOSS OF ENJOYMENT OF LIFE. Allahuakbar.. kuasa allah bila dia nak tarik nikmat apa yg kita ada.

I have to endure with the pain until stated as above. menopause. 

Btw, soalan yg byk org tnye.

mcm mana tau? - as symptoms kat atas and guts feeling, we went to gynae. then here it goes. sebelum tu mmg ada buat few research, tnye cousins yg ada history cyst n fibroid.. do some readings, i tot it might be a cyst. endo is very least thing in my thought.

lps tu? - so, since it was suspected and kitorg pun bukan dlm keadaan terdesak nak dpt baby, now doc bg ubat hormone (progesterone) to reduce my estrogen. by reducing that, the tissue will stop bleeds because it will stop my menstrual n reduce the pain too. kena ambik ubat ni utk 3 bulan and semoga tissues tu mereput..hehe

tapiii.. u know la ubat hormone.. kesannye masyaallah.. bloating.nausea.moody (tgk bola pun nangis)

mak pesan..banyaakkkan zikir.. rasa xkena je zikirr..biar xde suara hasutan yg sentuh hati tu..

insyaallah.. mmg..mmg xlupa utk istighfar..but somehow i still cant hold the tears. (T_T)

well.. im still lucky because

dah ada ilhan. people with endo susah pregnant. ifffff let say rezeki mmg ilhan sorg.. allah know the best..

and no cyst or fibroid attached as of now.

btw, its still on early stage.. mengharapkan yg terbaik dlm masa 3 bulan ni..

after few readings, masa tgh struggle dgn kesan hormone. first time kan so emosinye ngengada sgt.. ada yg ckp diorg buat transvaginal scan to confirm the endo. so i was thinking why not buat je that scan instead of bearing with this hormone thingy. so pergi la ask for second opinion, but too bad that TVS will not confirm endo. the only way is laparoscopy and doc tnye if im ready for that. memang x laaa..

then ada la few explanation why my gynae give me this n this medicine instead of aggressive treatment. so, lepas fikir.. decide utk trust the gynae..pg byk2 gynae kang pun pening je sini ckp lain.. sana ckp lain..

jadinya.. now.. marilah jaga makan jaga hati jaga iman..ni semua sbb allah syg.. 

rajuk

bila rasa xsuka.. nak marah..merajuk..xkena..
tido dgn pinggan mangkuk bertimbun.. mainan bersepah..mcm protes.
malas nak fikir buat bdn malas nak buat apa2
humming lagu 'i feel like doing anything'

bgn pagi. rumah bersih. sink berkilat.
tp masih rasa protes sbb merajuk ni..xde org pujuk pun..
dah sampai ofis.. baru terfikir.. semua yg cantik n bersih tu semua sbb nak memujuk la tu..
kenapa?..nak bunga? nak kek?.. xcukup?

apa lagiii la yg nak ni ira..
makannye tidak meminta2..
bersepahnye tidak dibising2
tidonye tidak dikejut2..

jgn main sape give up dulu..sbb xtau sape menang..
yg menang nnti belum tau hati senang yg kalah dah tentu melopong.

ira..ira.... *hentak kepala bertalu2*

social network

had a quick mengadu session with hub on 5am last nite. *sbb dia baru balik keje n siap ofer lepak dkt hall dulu 

utk borak2 kejap..*

critical betul masa kitorg skrg.. whole week hub keje sampai pagi which is sempat jumpe pagi sebelum dia tido balik..

ok.back to the session. its about.. social network where u can share everything..n the issue is.. for some people

they might think we purposedly want to show off what we have. too bad, these people, they also did same thing.

so, its more like only they can..if other people do means diorg menunujuk2.. 

what a negative tot laa..haiihhh.. these kind of people dia kena sedar sendiri.. its about attitude.. 

for me,

its social network. if you dont like, backoff or hide.. there are many options now.. n i did for few frens that i think its annoying.. especially MLM..hehe

or else let people do whatever they want..why bother??

then the best part, hub tnye killer question.. because he is actually silent user of social network. ada facebook je..tp setahun sekali update.

my only stalker yg plg mengerikan..hehe..

the question is.. did i feel any 'riak' when i post out something?

well, honestly..nak percaya ke xnak terpulang.. cuma ada rasa riak bila post out my cooked. why?? because its my cooked!

bukan senang ok nak masak *ceh..org lain petik jari je*

my cooked is sometimes only on weekend. and i did feel happy when few uncles and aunties puji how lucky my hub..hehe

its something that my achievement that i really proud of. so, pls let me feel happy..hehe

by the way,

allah datangkan org memarahi kita, 

menfitnah kita, 

membuka aib kita, 

membebel pada kita,

mengumpat pada kita,

berkata dengan kata yang menyakitkan hati kita,

dan macam macam lagi.

itu tandanya allah sayang kita dan allah sedang menguji tahap keimanan kita.

perkara yang terbaik yang harus kita lakukan adalah SABAR.REDHA.MEMAAFKAN dan BERDOA pada allah.

jgn sesekali mengeluh, sentiasalah bersyukur - from facebook

yeah, i've got my lesson learned here, not all people like what we do.. 

1. we cant satisfied people.

2. lay low, make it all under control. tepuk dada tanya hati.

3. ask ur closest opinion if u think things u want to share is kind of bakal mengundang kontroversi..hehe

some updates

long hiatus? huh?

busy.malas..xde idea. hehe
kdg2 ada idea nak karang blog. tp masa tu dlm tren la.. tgh msk la.. bila da hadap pc. lupa.. wkakaka

ok. we have moved to new home. still.rent. typical flat home yg agak sadis. tp mahal. die.
semuanya kerana perngorbanan sbg seorg ibu yg bekerja.cewaah..
dlm pd tgh ada mslh dgn rumah sewa lama..kami diberi rezeki dpt rumah sewa yg betul2 bwh rumah babysitter. kejiranan melayu.seronok!

dpt dgr azan. husband dpt campur org surau. ada kenduri kawen!
best!
tp..rumah kecik.. ada bocor sikit2..
ikutkan boleh je..utk kitorg 3 beranak duduk.. tp family members yg lain dtg mcm ralat tgk tmpat kitorg stay.. we can see it form their face..sobss..

someone offer us their apartments. mmg cantik.ada pool.guards. ikutkan nafsu. nak sgt.. ikutkan hati belah2..ikutkan akal. die.
i know that they all love me.us.our family..ni yg pening ni..

btw, cukup la cerita ni. rasa perit yg dicarik2 sbb xtahu nk buat keputusan mcm mana. nak kawen dulu pun x seteruk ni mikiornye..wahaha

happy birthday to husband aka mr.k. tq for always being great guy for me.
bila go thru cerita MH370.. i dunno what will happen to me if i was in their place. i cant live without you. not even can sleep without u.
i cant, dunno, dont want to imagine the pain.
eventho we have ups n down.. i hope we will go thru it together.. we promised to grow old together kan?

happy birthday to me. one year older. life is not challenging if u keep it simple... so eventho its hard. take the challenges.fight and learn from ur mistakes.
every single minutes i'm trying my best to be the best. but the best level change everyday.
keep going and semoga dugaan yang allah bagi dugaan yang boleh dihadapi.. ditetapkan iman..

happy birthday to my baby. we keep doing same things everyday. sedar x sedar..dah setahun dah ilhan hadeef. rasa sakit delivery pun dah xingt dah mcm mana.. *mcm bunyi da ready utk yg kedua jek...kui3*
mumy hanya doa supaya ilhan sentiasa sihat.. i know i'm not a good mumy.. nothing much i can ask for.. but. semoga allah sentiasa berkati hidup ilhan hadeef.
alhamdulillah dikurniakan permata yg mungkin xsemua org dpt rasa.. eventho i'm not good..please dont take him away from me allah.. please keep him well.. amin ya allah..

happy anniversary to us. its the 2nd year.. insyaallah. we will grow old together until jannah..

so many celebrations at the beginning of the year kan.. wish list for 2014 cum my birthday's wish list is making some progress.
- rumah. Loan approved. SnP signed. now tgh tgu lawyer utk process kwsp.
- new phone. pejam mata both of us tukar fon..hehe..since fon husband da start buat hal.. n da nak dekat 4 tahun jugak kitorg bertahan pakai fon tu.. we say bye2 to berries..n welcome to android n ios.
- camera. doubting nak beli. fon enuf i think? will get the monopod soon.hehe
- umrah. quite far to catch up. but will try prepare for it. insyaallah
- korea. closed case. settle above first..hehe..

another one to add up.
- more saving!

ada terbaca. 5 tahun yg pertama dlm perkahwinan. selalunya cabarannya ialah kewangan. so i believe and have to make sure we must financially stable in this coming year. insyallah..
5 tahun seterusnya. nak tau apa?
i believe its trustworthy.
yela..financial stable dah kan... (insyaallah).
hopefully we able to go thru this.everything.
amin.

Wishlist 2014

• Rumah
• Camera
• New phone
• Join mak umrah?
• Simpan duit utk holiday 2015 - Korea?

tu dia... semangat nak habis tahun 2013 ni..huu.. xpernah2 buat checklist new year.. ttbe tahun ni ada..

sbb end of year ni ada mission besar..which is few weeks to go..

semoga dipermudahkan lah urusan kami..n dimurahkanlah rezeki keluarga kami..

bukan nak mintak lebih...cuma nak menuntut semula hak selepas bertahun menyepi.. ilhan pun will be 1 year in few months.. sejak pregnant kan ilhan until now. mmg kitorg menyepi. so its a time to take the action..

walaupun xnak menaruh harapan yg besar.. tp sekelumit harapan yg ada tu sgt tinggi.. 

btw, lama dah tak update blog...hehe.. nak update tp cerita pasal ilhan je.. 

ilhan dah besar.. dah hensem (mak mana ckp anak dia xcomel kan?)..keke..

as time flies so fast, i still tot ilhan tu baby.. tp bila perhatikan cara dia..nmpk da dewasanya... ready nak jadi abg ke ilhan? ohhh taaaaakkkk...hehe...

i'm not a good momy tho, there's a loooot of things that i couldnt commit, terasa semuanya diluar kemampuan.. terasa semuanya xtau nak buat apa.. harap2 ilhan membesar dgn jaya dgn bantuan momy yg serba kekurangan ni.. jd, stop asking bila ilhan nak dpt adik.. sbb ilhan pun momy xberapa ready n just try my best to be the best.. jgn la tambahkan element yg akan mengurangkan lg kemampuan tu.. bak kata org yg dikejar xdpt, yg dikendong berciciran kang... hehe

kadang2.. bukan momy yg ajar ilhan, tp ilhan yg ajar momy bout something. ada satu hari, as always momy and dady suka dengki ilhan.. see the video..hehe

for people out there maybe, xde apa pun dgn apa yg ilhan da buat ni.. but for us... apa yg ilhan dah ajar kami hari tu is, bila kita ada masalah..jgn terus bergelut dgn masalah tu.. tenangkan diri, betulkan tempat duduk kita.. baru la kita cuba selesaikan masalah tersebut..keke

thanks ilhan for remind momy bout this.. lets learn together, lets live our life together..

enuf said. jom berangan.

- kitorg tgh hunting a house. sebelum ni takut2 sbb terfikir mampu ke xmampu nk commit. tp bila pg tnye few resources, actually there is a way to do it, as long kita xbeli rumah yg diluar kemampuan la kan...

kenapa la dulu ignorant sgt psl rumah ni.. sbb mls nak fikir benda yg xmampu agaknye... skrg bila tgk semua rumah harga dah tinggi2.. n yg ok dah terjual.. rasa mcm nak lompat2 hantuk kepala kat dinding..

- insyaallah, there is a planned for mak & abah to go umrah.. rasa mcm nak ikut.. tp have to consider ilhan. it will cost us about 15k.. sempat xsempat ni nk kejar?... hehe.. bila rasa nk pg holiday kat negara2 org.. terfikir why not do umrah first..sbb itenary for umrah plg senang kan?..hahaha..well, kalau xdpt pergi pun... dpt permudahkan urusan mak n abah pegi pun jadi la..

insyaallah..insyaallah...

Raya 2013

selamat hari raya!!..

di sini owner blog khayra87. nak minta ampun dan maaf sekiranya ada kata2 yg tidak enak dituliskan dlm blog ni.. sy manusia biasa yg create blog hanya utk suka2..hehe

dah nk abis raya baru nk wish..weng betull..huu

alhamdulillah..tahun tambah family member..taun lepas berdua je..hehe..

excited jugak tahun ni prepare utk raya.. sbnrnye xnak pun pakaikan ilhan baju melayu.. malas nk cari..n mcm kesia pulak ilhan nk berlengas pki baju melayu..

tp tgh jln2 kat pkns tu terserempak ngn baju ilhan, kaler sama, saiz ngam2.. mr.k suh ambik je..hehe..

so here we go.. baju daddy je kaler lain sket.. sama semua mcm boria la plak kan..keke

this year raya fully celebrated kat JB. sehari sebelum raya gerak dr segamat. sempat la mak bekalkan lemang.. no rendang n ayam masak merah mak.. rendang MIL not bad. ayam masak merah kena la buat sendiri even xmenjadi sgt..huhuhu..

first time pg raya rumah org.. rumah tu sgt penuh n 12 bijik kereta parking kat rumah dia.. mungkin 4bijik tu kereta anak2 dia la kan..tp still, lebih dr 5 bijik kereta adalah tetamu.gilos.

memang meriah.. tp xfhm sgt ape diorg ckp sbb ckp jawa..haha

kitorg pulun beraya semua rumah kat kg masa raya pertama tu.. raya kedua jln yg dekat jb pulak.. raya ketiga da balik KL.. *yaaawwnn**

alhamdulillah sepanjang kat rumah org ilhan xmeragam.. xnangis2.. xde merengek nk melekap ngn mmy, langkah selamat, make sure masuk dlm kereta je feeding. so xde la dia mintak bila masuk rumah org kann..

senang sungguh rasa.. xde nk bwk botol susu, susu tepung, air panas semua.. 

sekarang pun dah gamble je pg shopping bwk handbag. dlm handbag ada napkin.towel kecik.pampers 1. nursing cover.

angkut tu je pun rasa berat..lg la kalau kena angkut susu yg nk kena bancuh kan..

cuma satu kelecehan bf ni.. kena pump. haha.. satu hari mesti siapkan assignment ni.. malas2 kena rajin jugak.. me?.. terskip jugak la raya pertama.. keluar rumah pagi, balik dah kul 1.. letih sgt..

nasib baik xde pape..

pernah terskip 2/3 hari.. terus problem.. masa tu baru tau langit tggi ke rendah..bangun 3-4pagi pun nothing much yg dpt.. pastu mula la rasa nk stress..huu

bukan new mommies je yg ada perasaan ni.. baru tau bukan senang jd mommies.. sobsobsob..

ada je terdetik kat hati ni nk pentingkan dr sndr, give up.. tp tah la.. xsampai hati rasanye..n terfikir jugak dah habis byk da utk mission ni, then why shud i give up kan?

lately ni ramai bertanya psl breastfeed.. i'm more than happy to help!.. tp sedih jugak ada few yg give up dgn alasan..susu xkeluar n baby xmo isap..

from here, i realize, pre-natal class and breastfeeding talk masa pregnant lagi adalah penting utk dihadiri oleh mommy to be..

yela..kdg2 kita ni bile dgr ckp org biasa2 kita rasa xyakin.. setakat dgr je.. tp bila dgr from expert, kita rasa mcm yakin sungguh2, or maybe it was only me ke xtau la kan..

somehow i feel, yes, lucky me able to attend those pre-natal class n talks. ada org rasa mcm ape la sgt class tu kan.. more lucky i'm with hubby also!

so, the moral support is berganda2...

sejak jd mak ni..ckp pun psl mak2 je laaaa... :P

old fren yg re-unite me n mr.k dtg beraya with her 2 kids. anak yg kedua sebaya dgn ilhan.. tua ilhan 2mggu je.. hehe..mentang2 la dia tua.. konon2 mcm nak ajar rina tu laaa.. 

move on

btw,

i have move on. finally, move out from my comfort zone.

it was the hardest decision i have made.

by nk kena fikir,

baby sitter ilhan kat PJ, now only hub yg plg dekat as the new company located at KL, 

career growth, pergi tempat baru sama la mcm start from zero. even its a same position but i have to gain the trust from new superiors.

working environment, xmcm skrg, bole work from home, siap kena paksa lg twice a week, cuti, mc senang.. like today, dpt chance tgk ihan berjaya meniarap sendiri!..

alhamdulillah even i think its quite late for him, he made it at 4months 9days old. kesian sgt tgk bila dia berusaha sungguh2.. sampai mengah2.. tp lepas satu jam, da laju da dia pusing.. 

kena ambik semangat ilhan ni..

harap2 dpt la peluang jd org pertama tgk dia duduk, brdiri n everything.. kalau semua tu happen kat rumah babysitter, i feel bad as mommy.. T_T

insyaallah, will start the new position lepas raya, semoga dipermudahkan semuanya.. semua ada rezeki utk kami sekeluarga..

btw, as of this writing, tgh emo tgk citer korea..haha

apesal la genre suami curang xhabis2... dah abis you are still the one aritu, ni tersambung yg lain pulak.. adoi.

nnti akan keluar la soalan2 mengarut kat mr.k like, 'kalau u mampu, u nak kawen lg satu ke x?'

'kalau i bg u kawen, u nk kawen lg x?'

'i cantik lg x?'

hahaha..sbb dia pernah ckp i'm the most beautiful woman in his eyes, inside & outside'.. so brani la tnye cantik ke x even tau sy xde la secantik mana poooonn.. haih.. cane la kalau ada pompuan cantik lain goda mr.k..haiihh

-- kannn..da start lg..

bole termimpi2 masalahnye.. emo smpi xsbr2 nk tgu next episode.

*setereeessss!!*

long hiatus? breastfeeding tips

lama xupdate. byk nak share. tp xde masa.. bila ada masa xleh access pulak.. hehe

btw, alhamdulillah.. everything was good n fine.

1st tepek gamba ilhan dulu.

pertumbuhan yg baik nmpaknye.. alhamdulillah..tekad hati nk buat ilahn gebus setakat ni berjln sprti yg dirancang.. bila rasa penat n give up..teringat saat nk lahirkan ilhan..

mungkin ni la apa yg mak2 lain rasa..yg sanggup korbankan apa je utk anak2nye..

terima kasih mak.. T_T

next!

my breastfeeding journey.

it was very hard at first.. tgk je la hasil tuaian ni..

alhamdulillah setakat ni hanya 2 benda asing masuk dlm perut ilhan.

air zam2. ubat batuk.. owh! air paip..mandi xreti duk diam..hehe

bila tgk gambar2 hasil tuaian. rasa mcm nk menitik air mata..huu.. sbb susahnye masa tu.. dugaan masa tu tersgt la kuat.. tp kena berlakon mcm everythings gonna be fine depan semua org.. mmg almost everyday ambik gambar sbb nk tunjuk kat mr.k n dpt support as..

'alhamdulillah..i'm proud of u, u can do more syg'

tu je pun da cukup...

now ilhan still fully bf.. rasa risau hari2 ttp ada.. mls tetap ada..hehe.. tp...syuuuuhhh..syaitan yg meggoda.. sila pergi jauh okeh.

btw. lesson learn.

1. jgn takut2 nak invest utk beli alat2 breastfeeding. me, kalau xdiingatkan oleh seorang kawan.,mungkin akan fail jugak dlm journey ni.. now setiap kali tgk breastpump. mesti ingt izah..hehe..

- izah ingtkan beli bp awal2 jgn tgu lepas deliver.

---- reason, kemungkinan baby warded, baby kuat tido, awal2 bf is supply on demand rules, if baby tak kuat menyusu, pump penting utk mimic kekerapan menyusu baby (maksudnye, bila baby xmenyusu, kita pump)

- bila fikirkan ni..tp masih dlm keaadaan xyakin, i was opted to manual bp. Medela Harmony Unsealed RM180.

best guna manual ni.. sbb suction lg kuat.. tp dah lama2 lenguh and we tend to rasa mls nk buat assignment mengepam..hehe

- then, we bought Medela Swing RM625. same reason, xconfident nk ambik double pump yg mhl. sbb takut separuh jalan. even masa guna swing pun, bila rasa mls akan terbyg duit yg dah dilaburkan..huhu..

kept reminding myself, officemate pun ambik double bila anak dia da almost 8months.

- at one time, rasa letih sgt nk melayan, lagi2 bila kerja ofis bertimbun... so tekadkan diri pejamkan mata. beli Medela Freestyle RM1550. Pricey? but its worth every penny. instead, the first 2 yg xyakin n konon xnak membazir tu sbnrnye yg rugi.. T_T

now i can do laundry,dishes,ironing, even meeting n pumping at the same time. rasa mcm there's no more excuses for bf.. hehehe..

if ada mommytobe yg bc ni.pls.pls.

must buy item.

1.purelan

2.breastpump

3.botol susu

xkisah la fulltime housewife ke x. those are still a MUST ITEMS to buy.

2. jgn dgr what others said n believe in urself. susu is always cukup for your baby. dia nangis kadang2 bukan sbb nak susu, but sucking is the primary method for all newborns to both self-calm. so, just always be there for your baby.. 

3. standby supplement. both mak n mr.k bertungkus lumus carikan mcm2 supplement utk bykkan susu. we never thought bout this cos never expected it was this hard. :(

antara supplement yg bagus.

-- dr's.choice chocolate mix with fenugreek = RM 27+-

-- the milk story chocolate drink, biscuits, chos bars = RM 35+-

-- ESP shaklee = RM130+-

fenugreek is halba which is org india mmg minum air rebusan halba ni masa dlm pantang. baru tau lps borak2 ngn indian teammate dlm nursing room..hehe

tp sape sanggup nk minum air halba tu kan... beli la dr's choice. sedap pun sedap.

for me, the first 2 drinks is good for milk production, n esp pulak pekatkan susu, so baby xde la minum lama sgt sbb susu pekat n baby cepat kyg..

waahh..xpsl2 jd promoter ni.. hehe

ada satu lg, air soya, luckily mak mmg jual air soya, so fresh soya home made hari2, itupun ilhan kuat menyusu lg.. soya,esp,nasi lauk best2, patutla boooolat sgt ilhan..hehe

4. yang plg penting, msti percaya susu itu ada!.. 

sekian pesanan khidmat masyarakat dibawa oleh mommy ilhan! :)

sebulan

dah sebulan weyh xde update..

nnti la.. keke
byk nk cerita pun psl ilhan. tp ilhan xbg citer.. cane?

belated anniversary

punye la sibuk dgn entry anak..lupe nk buat entry anniversary.. yg 1st plak tu!..uhuk3..

alhamdulillah rezeki awal.. xsempat nk sambut anny berdua.. ilhan da keluar 10 ari sebelum..hehe.. nasib baik sempat raya berdua.. at least nti tunjuk gambar 1st raya bole la ckp kat ilhan..

'this time, u still in mommy's tummy'..

btw, happy anniversary to us. da setahun rupanya kawen.. pikir2 mmg rasa mcm xpercaya.. byk xbyk pengalaman setahun jd bini org.. mcm2 la benda yg belajar hari2..

hari2..

yg penting.

sabar.rasional.be happy.

kalau rasa nk marah.diam. kalau kena marah.diam. kalau rasa xpuas hati.fikir. kalau rasa sedih.fikir. kalau rasa xromantik.jadi romantik. kalau rasa happy. share. kalau rasa xhappy.pun share.

plg penting. jgn over expected ur partner.

bila rasa apa yg dapat xseperti diharapkan.be rasional.n think. kita manusia. xkan pernah rasa puas xkan bole puaskan org.

husband n wife complimented each other. kalau 2-2 perfect. no fun la kan?

things to keep doing n improve.

semua org akan share everything with her/his partner kan? same as us la.. bila balik kerja msti bebel mcm2 dgn mr.k..apa yg jd kat ofis..apa yg ada kat fb that day..apa yg berlaku sepanjang hari mr.k xde disisi la.. bila da abis bebel sendiri punya cerita.. baru teringat nk tnye mr.k punya cerita..n i'll make sure to LISTEN.

listen.listen.listen.

the good is, mr.k xlokek cerita. bukan mcm certain org yg akan reply.. 'biasa la.. keje byk.. mcm biasa..'

kalau mr.k reply mcm tu pun mmg kena paksa utk cerita kot.. sbb penat je prepare telinga utk dgr tau..

masa ni 2-way communication rules sgt penting.

anyway, topik kedai kopi mr.k n rakan2 ofis dah berubah mengikut phase. mula2 psl kereta la.phone la.. pastu kawen2..skrg da anak2 pulak.. seronok jugak bila tau kaum lelaki ada gosip psl susu..pampers..hehe

*keep listening ira*

i have to lesser my body language. korg.. body language ni kekadang xberkesan utk lelaki ye.. buat penat je korg praktikkan..huu..

have to start use more 'please' now.. alhamdulillah...he accept it well. *tgk time jugak la*

i have to cut off my fb-addict. xde pape pun kat fb tu.. tp sentiasa je nk tgk.. lg la skrg da byk like page jual baju baby..keke..

keep all the good things like, jgn compare rezeki org.. jgn berkira how much you have done..jgn suka letak high expectation on something u dun even know.. if things not going as u expected just keep remind yourself Allah knows the best.

what else eh?

haa..jgn lupa diri.. toloooong la jaga penampilan ira oi.. utk husband. pls. baru anak satu ni..ingat2 la.. jaga diri betul2 ye.. jgn malas2.. nnti jadi mcm cerita miss ahjumma tu.. =(
ingat. kalau hari kerja, balik kerja msti buat muka happy even its a bad day...
kalau dekat rumah, msti sambut husband balik dlm keadaan yg bersih n segar..
hari-hari mesti energetic ira! mesti! jgn malas2.. =)

Dear husband,

Happy anniversary to us. sekejap je da setahun. rasa mcm baru semlm sibuk dgn kenduri...hehe..

sekarang we have complete family, not only u n me..tq for always being here with me, tq for being so much understanding, tq for being patient...tq for everything that you have done thru this 365days.
selama kita kawen xpernah pun berasing sampai la hari yg ke 365 kan. seksanya first 2 weeks without you hanya Allah yang tahu..
semoga jodoh kita berpanjangan hingga ke syurga.. semoga kita lebih matang dlm menghadapi semua cabaran2..semoga kita dikurniakan kesihatan yang baik.. semoga kita dimurahkan rezeki.. semoga kita dpt mendidik anak2 jd anak yg soleh n solehah..
and there is nothing else i wish the most except we stay together until our last breath. amin.

 anniversary picture #365

ilhan #10days

Org rindu.

Ttbe sebelum pejam mata mlm ni.. Trbyg2 zaman sekolah..

Main jeling2 ngn mr.k..
Tabur bedak dlm beg skolah mr.k..
Sembunyikn bj pengawas mr.k masa dia pg latihan bola..
Malu2 kucing bila trserempak dia mandi kat tmpat wuduk.. *ofcos la pki suar*
Lumba basikal bila blik skolah..
Main selit surat kat bwh meja..
Setiap hari excited+nervous weyh nk g skolah.. Setiap hari nk nmpk cantik.. *pdhl masa tu itam cam bontot kuali*
Pastu malu2 kucing bila kwn2 lain usik.. *lempanglelaju*

Ruginya surat2 tu da dbuang.. Gambar pun da dibakar..
Frust la konon2 masa f2 dpt tau mr.k da jmpe org lain..
2 taun gak simpan gamba tu..hee

Aishh..org xpernah berasing sejak kawen..
Bila xbole tdo mcm ni..xde geng nk borak or imbau kenangan dolu2.. Keke..
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Motherhood first 20days

1st nite ilhan sgt baik.. Asik tdo je smpi nurse bshkn nk suh bgn menyusu..
2nd nite. Da start meragam.siang masa ramai org dtg lawat ilhan behave sgt2..tp lepas cik umi blik je..lps mgrb, dia da start xbole ltk..
Dah susu..da tepuk2.. Nangis je.. Nk pg toilet pun xdpt..
Akhirnye pukul 2pagi baru dpt bersihkn bdn n blik2 toilet ilhan melalak.. Since ada 2-3 baby lg yg nangis..so xde la rasa brslh sgt..
N mlm tu..bentan..hu.. Dgn katil2 skali rasa gegar sbb menggigil teruk.. Pgl nurse, dia ambk ilhan n bg extra selimut.. Lps tu da xsdr n tau2 da pukul 5..nurse pulangkan ilhan..
Sakitnye bdn..xselesanye tuhan je tau.. Then whole day ilhan buat perangai ups n down..
Doa sgt2 bole blik aritu sbb seriously I need help.. Duduk hosp nurse bkn tlg sgt.. Diorg dtg bersihkn baby je pagi2..
Alhamdulillah, 2mac dlm pukul 6 da bole discharge..
Btw ptg tu tergempar jugak ilhan peepee brdarah.. Ada red stain kat pampers.. Ble doc check xde pape.. Its just crystal n normal.
Mlm tu mula journey xtdo mlm.. Xdpt nk baring pun sbb ilhan menangis je.. Tp nasib baik ada mak n mr.k..
Mak la yg tepuk2.bwk sana sini.. Abah bc kan ayat mcm2..
I was so busy with pumping.. Mr.k urut2 kan bdn n soothing me..
Subhanallah..rase brsyukur sgt dikelilingi dgn org2 yg sgt memahami..
Mmg ilhan xcukup susu.. Smpi guna sudu..bg 1 sudu diam..me keep pumping sbb nk kumpul lg satu sudu..n setitik pun ms tu sgt berharga.. *kesat air mata*
Masuk hari ketiga mak da start brbunyi cr susu formula..tp xpush sgt..n stil negotiable ble mintak bg masa lg.. But then dia suh mr.k pg klinik utk cr milk booster..
N mengalah jugak ble mak bg air zamzam.. Nasib baik ada air zamzam.. That day mata ilhan da start ada kuning2..so gilir2 bg susu n air zamzam..
Alhamdulillah.. Mr.k pg farmasi n dia cdgkan minum ni.

Lps minum ni susu mmg bertambah but ilhan now asking for more.. Until now I'm stil coping but not really struggling.. Rasa bersyukur sgt2 dgn support yg dpt dr mak n mr.k.. Without them I'm might only cry n do nothing..
Mak ckp..ni la hikmah I was so sbr brthn tgu smpi 3 hari baru bersalin.. *sbb ada one time dia call ms kat hosp xmampu nk brckp sbb sakit. Then dia da push mr.k utk tye doc if I shud go for ceaserian* mak kan.. Cpt risau.. Tp me n mr.k mcm biasa..mintak masa.. Hehe..
Kalau czer..I can't cope with bf..
Then hikmah ilhan menangis xberenti.. We know he didn't get enough milk.. Mmg letih yg teramat.. Tp I've tried not too stress bout that.. Keep calm.. N akhirnye ilhan is jaundice free..
I'm proud of myself. Seriously..
Skrg ilhan sdg membesar..ramai tegur dia cpt besar.. Nothing made me proud the most bila org tye.'Susu bdn?'
'A'a..susu bdn' =D
Ada ups n down everyday, its aint easy.. Mmg bole fhm kenapa ada mommies yg xdpt nk teruskn..
Semangat mmg kena jitu n supports from elders, husband..
Me. I got
Mak yg byk sgt tlg..yg plg penting she trust me as always..tu da sgt2 cukup..
MIL yg support dr jauh.. Kalau call selalu ckp kita kena yakin..mcm2 mana pun bf is the best milk ever.
My husband yg tlg picitkn bdn..tlg angkat..tlg suapkan mkn..tlg suapkan air..tlg uruskan ilhan..
I'm so blissful..syukur ya allah..
Semoga sy terus tabah n full of passion utk bf ilhan..n semoga ada rezeki ilhan sbb I'm truly ikhlas to bf u son.. Amin.

Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone

Having baby at HUKM part 3 (finale)

Ni kaunter emergency o&g..

Yg ni waiting area.. N pintu yg ada katil 2 tempat first masuk utk doc check sama ada kena msuk wad or x n monitor jantung baby..

Things bout hukm
1. Hukm xde class..semua wad sama..1 wad ramai. Ada lbih krg 22 katil. Tp divided by partition(dinding).. Satu ruang ada 6 katil.. Kwsn katil ok la.. Luas sket dr hosp biasa n ada tirai yg bole ttp ful.
Mlm mmg bising suara baby perang. Tp lucky me..my 1st 2night xrmi org. 3 katil je utilize n xde baby lg..
Toilet dkt n ada mcm2 jenis.. Ada yg bowl cangkung n duduk. Ada shower room. Bj or pape linen bole ambik sndr.. So me tiap kali mandi tuka bj..haha.. Pastu.. Kdg2 ambk bj yg cantik2 sket awal2..alas tilam pun slalu ambk..kalo x tgu nurse tukarkn ble diorg kms katil pagi2..
Bilik solat pun ada..tp xde kerusi kot, so ari2 pg tgk qiblat je.. Pas2 solat kat katil..
Sbb belum nk brsalin lg. Husband xleh tmn kat dlm wad.. Kena folow waktu melawat..Tp bole je msuk.. Nk antar brg ke apa..
2. Sbb kena induce. Kena masuk 1st stage labor.. Kat situ kira mcm blik mnunggu utk brsalin. Ada 4 katil je.. Husband xbole masuk lg..tp bole tgu kat waiting area. Ada sofa.
Ble da smpi ms nk deliver..diorg akan tolak msuk labor n panggil husband.
Time mcm ni seeloknya husband mmg stdby je la..
Myb kalau org tu da betul nk brsalin.. No need induce or epi dia xkn msuk 1st stage ni. Trus masuk labor.
3. Labor room adalah blik. Sorg satu..tp blik kck je la.. Dlm tu ada incubator n sink. Husband je yg dbenarkn msuk. Baby pun if ada prob..mcm ilhan suhu bdn dia rendah..diorg ltk dia dlm incubator skjp kat blik 2 jugak. Gynae, paed, nurses akan keluar msuk blik 2 utk check.
Ble baby da ok. Ayah bole la azankn, siap ada tanda qiblat. N lps 2 diorg akan train mcm mana nk bf.
Even da praktis da pg antenatal clas.. For real kekok n blur jugak..hu
4. Nurses. Semua baik2.. Ada la yg tegas..mana ada org bwk kain alas kaki kat wad..tp sy bwk..lalala..
Semata2 nk lap kaki sblm naik atas katil..keke.. So pg2 ble nurse dtg kms msti tnye kenapa ada kain kat bwh..hu..
Nurses n midwife kat labor room pun baik2..even masa tu kind of giving up.. Diorg stil bg ful support. Xde pun dgr2 kata2 yg xbest..suapkan air lg..
Sbbkn 1st time.. Siap tnye lg.. 'Nurse..rasa sakit mcm mana yg mmg btol2 baby da nk keluar?'
Yela..semua org kat situ sakit.. Tp thp sakit org lain2.. Ada org jenis thn sakit.. So takut ble mengadu nti diorg mrh pulak..diorg jwb ok je.. N tye lg,
'puan da ada rasa mcm 2 ke?' Hehe
Sama jugak masa nk bf.. Diorg xpush n xmarah2..
Cuma ble da blik wad. Diorg akan tegur n keep remind u to bf ur baby. Awal2 baby mmg tdo je..same as the mother la..penat kot.. Diorg akan kejutkan, kdg2 bshkn baby to wake they up..
5. About jahit after delivery. Xsakit lgsg. Masa midwife jahit dia say sory n ckp kat one part 2 sakit sikit. Pelik sbb kan da bius so I asked
'Bkn da bius ke?'
Then, dia ckp ada area yg kdg2 stil sakit.. But again, lucky me.. Xrasa apa..
Btw, sblm 2 doc yg jahitkn.. Tp dgr2 diorg ckp doc tu salah jahit n midwife tu bkk blik kot. I never ask n xtgk pun sbb ngeri.. Pndang baby je kat tepi..tau2 da setel.
6. Cost. Utk delivery shj.. Masa 1st kita dtg kat emergency o&g..kena byr RM50. Lps 2 kena byr deposit RM500 kat kaunter lain. Husband je la pg tp bkn la time2 tu gak..after wife settle down pun bole..since ktorg guna GL.. So semua bills settle kan masa nk discharge.. Total: RM700+ including 5days warded n epidural.
7. Things to bring.
- ic
- buku checkup (buku merah/buku biru hukm+report card klinik swasta)
- surat last yg doc hukm bg masa last visit
- duit RM50
8. Few differences bwtn hukm n gov that I knew. Sumber utk experience gov adalah kwn2 yg brsalin kat gov.
- Diorg xsuruh blik even jln br bukak 1cm..
Sorg kenalan bitau..her case same as me.. Air ketuban da pecah, n jln br bukak 1cm..tp hosp gov suh blik dulu.
- at gov sblm blik, doc akan check semula private part which is ngeri n sakit. Tp kat hukm diorg xcheck pun. Rasa gembira xtrkata bila diorg ckp 'puan bole blik'
'Xde kena jmpe doc lg ke?'
'Xde'
=D
- at hukm, after deliver stay dlm labor room smpi la semua da ready diorg trus tolak dgn katil2 naik lif blik ke wad n tmpat yg sama.. Spjg kte kat labor nurse da prepare baby cot.. Mr.k ckp dia rasa lg debar2 masa naik ambk brg kat katil tgk baby cot da ready..hehe
Melalui sumber kwn yg bersalin kat gov. Lps deliver..dia kena tgu lg dkt luar which is xbrape comfortable utk org baru lps brsalin sementara tgu diorg settle down.

Sekian. Episode last having baby at hukm.
By the way, I'm not promoting hukm neither memburukkan hosp gov.
I just shared what I've been thru n heard.
Semuanya brgantung pd nasib..jd mommy to be berdoalah byk2 supaya semua urusan dpermudahkn n dpertemukan dgn org2 yg bersih hati nya..
Setiap hosp ada bad n good.. For me pengalaman deliver kat hukm was a good thing.. Most of the staff really helpful from the beginning.. Xdgr pun diorg mengumpat ckp buruk2 pasal patient.
Part yg krg best, u can't have ur husband on ur side every minute.. Sdgkn time 2 la kte sgt2 perlukn husband.. Emosi kena jaga2 sgt.. Mcm2 perasaan ada..u have to be calm by your own..
Next baby nk bersalin as FPP kat hosp putrajaya la..ehehe..
Wait. What? Next baby?? =P
Sent by Maxis from my BlackBerry® smartphone